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I wasn't going to link this article by Christopher Hitchens, as much as I love the man, because I think he paints with (a bit) too wide a brush this time around.

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When Sally, a Brit, arrived in Madrid five years ago she had the rather unrealistic expectation that Javier Bardem lookalikes would be queuing up to sweep her off her feet. Now in her early 30s and a seasoned veteran of the dating scene she tells the Local how to avoid the pitfalls of a Spanish mummy´s boy and the perils of communicating through the language barrier.Here are Sally´s top ten tips for navigating the perilous path to true love in Spain.What he means: I’m not interested in anything right now.What he means: I’m not interested or attracted to you.Find somewhere to sit where you can see all the men -- and where they can see you.Spend the first few minutes getting organized, or so it seems.

Use the fact that you are an English speaker as your selling point in your profile and there will be a lot more swipes to the right.What he means: I want to take you to bed or get physical with you and am not necessarily offering anything serious at the moment.What he means: I really like you, you have my attention.That is why pornography prospers as men's target market.Other very effective feminine body language tactics are: walking with an exaggerated roll of hips, relaxed swinging arms, chest out, and head held high with a soft smile.1 - Breaking the apron strings Photo of a man and his mother: Shutterstock If you believe you can move the relationship along at a snail´s pace and build up to meeting the family at around the six- month mark, then think again.